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As a youngster I suppose my first memories would be of waking up in the middle of the night, having just wet the bed, and crying for my mum to come. I was 27 and living in Balham (pronounced Balham) which is in Balham. Hard to think that I can't remember my life b4 that but I'm sure that's because I must have....well.....well I can't remember what I must have done but I'm sure it would have been something unforgettable. I moved into a squat in London's Hampstead, a small village just outside Kilburn high road at the nether regions of the long and winding. There along with a builder called 'gripper' a homo called Frazier and a fat hairdressing lesbo called Sacha I made a decision that would alter the course of my history!! I would go bald and gain weight rapidly!

Feeling fresher and considerably heavier for it I hopped on a bus to radioland and spent ten even years spinning circular plastic things that slowly shrunk and turned metal.. (don't laugh it happens to us all) In those ten years, radio 1,2,3,4,5, and more recently 6, Kiss, Capital, Jazz and Topman fm. have all benefited from me not gigging there! However it wasn't all thingamajig and although I tried hard to avoid it I did get some gigs including six horrible months working for a used car salesman in Essex for Essex ! Quite literally. Then off to Kent via Thamesmead.....for two lovely years at Infected FM until the p.c. decided that I would be better utilized in a plane some two thousand feet up in the air where everyone could just get on and forget that I was there!

I protested in the only way I know how and promptly got pissed for a year!! Eventually I ran out off piss juice and the pilot had to land to take a dump so I made a run for it and sought solitude and complete anonymity back in Thamesmead! After broadcasting to no-one and his brother for two years (we improved the listeners, initially his brother didn't listen!!) I managed to convince the p.c. at Radio loasdsalisteners to hire me. Then not to be outdone by myself I promptly got fired. Such is life. I am now living in a local wood (well it's local to everyone near it.) where I spend my days stalking deer and minor celebrities covered in fresh earth and eating only nuts and berries! It's not much but the hours are good....and who knows somewhere in these woods there may be a radio station where the p.c. hasn't heard of me!!!!!????

I'll keep u posted!!
MARK FOX. AKA. Bernie the line dancing gazzelle.