a youngster I suppose my first memories would be of waking up
in the middle of the night, having just wet the bed, and crying
for my mum to come. I was 27 and living in Balham (pronounced
Balham) which is in Balham. Hard to think that I can't remember
my life b4 that but I'm sure that's because I must have....well.....well
I can't remember what I must have done but I'm sure it would
have been something unforgettable. I moved into a squat in London's
Hampstead, a small village just outside Kilburn high road at
the nether regions of the long and winding. There along with
a builder called 'gripper' a homo called Frazier and a fat hairdressing
lesbo called Sacha I made a decision that would alter the course
of my history!! I would go bald and gain weight rapidly!
Feeling fresher and considerably heavier for
it I hopped on a bus to radioland and spent ten even years
spinning circular plastic things that slowly shrunk and turned
metal.. (don't laugh it happens to us all) In those ten years,
radio 1,2,3,4,5, and more recently 6, Kiss, Capital, Jazz
and Topman fm. have all benefited from me not gigging there!
However it wasn't all thingamajig and although I tried hard
to avoid it I did get some gigs including six horrible months
working for a used car salesman in Essex for Essex ! Quite
literally. Then off to Kent via Thamesmead.....for two lovely
years at Infected FM until the p.c. decided that I would be
better utilized in a plane some two thousand feet up in the
air where everyone could just get on and forget that I was
I protested in the only way I know how and
promptly got pissed for a year!! Eventually I ran out off
piss juice and the pilot had to land to take a dump so I made
a run for it and sought solitude and complete anonymity back
in Thamesmead! After broadcasting to no-one and his brother
for two years (we improved the listeners, initially his brother
didn't listen!!) I managed to convince the p.c. at Radio loasdsalisteners
to hire me. Then not to be outdone by myself I promptly got
fired. Such is life. I am now living in a local wood (well
it's local to everyone near it.) where I spend my days stalking
deer and minor celebrities covered in fresh earth and eating
only nuts and berries! It's not much but the hours are good....and
who knows somewhere in these woods there may be a radio station
where the p.c. hasn't heard of me!!!!!????
I'll keep u posted!!
MARK FOX. AKA. Bernie the line dancing gazzelle.