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Foxy, the official mascot of Mark-Fox.co.uk,
has been listening to a bit too much Jezza (don't we all) and he
has offered to solve some of your problems, if you have a problem
you think Foxy could help you with, whether it be physical, mental,
spiritual or anything else, click
here to email Foxy and he'll see what he can do.
Here's some problems he's already solved... see
he's pretty good at it
Quick question for ya, Do you know a good builder? I need a gazebo
mending due to it being demolished by the daughter of a mad man.
PS You don't even know my Skinhead friends
Dear Bus stop!
I indeed know a lovely Rip of merchant/builder
who recently co-starred with Matt Allright on 'Rouge Traders' Not
only will he be pleased to look at your gazebo (although I feel
you probably mean Pagoda) but he can introduce you to a couple of
his mates who, I'm sure, would have a 'quiet chat' with neighbour
concerned and 'convince' them that dropping charges would probably
be the best option!
His name is 'Gripper' and I’ll forward
your details to him. All skinheads are Nazis. That’s just
the way it is in pretty much the same way as all bearded men (and
women) are terrorists! LIFE’S JUST LIKE THAT!
Keep taking the medication.
Just found out after seven years that a long lost friend of mine
has been hosting various radio shows, putting on weight, drinking
copius amounts of liquor and impregnating women. Why did he not
tell me? Please help because I need to explain to my children who
the scary man in the photos is!!
Thanks in advance, up your flaps,
The Four Eyed Bus Stop Fiend
Dearest 'Bus-stop fiend.'
Time takes a cigarette and puts it in your
hands; you pull on a finger another finger, then the cigarette.
That’s what David Bowie would probably tell you if you asked
the skinny white bastard. However I am not David Bowie and therefore
my advice will be quite different. Time changes us all and although
you may think your 'old' friend is now a bit fatter and balder (BTW
baldness can just be a trick of the light sometimes) He may now
view you as a long streak of nats piss with a propensity towards
dodgy skinhead mates and football.
We all change. He probably never told you
about it because he secretly thinks you’re a bit of a twat.
In the words of the 'man' again
"Fashion, turn to the left. Fashion turn to the right!"
Yours with much love
P.S. The scary man in the picture is your
Dear Dr Fox
There are 3 friends on a train thundering through France, none
of them have had a good meal in days, needless to say they are
all very hungry. When an opportunity comes along for two of them
lets say there names could be ummm (Steve & Allen) to have
a sneaky beef steak. But leaving there friend lets call him ummm
(Mark) to carry on sleeping.
I need help with this one, as it's kept me awake at nights for
years, what should they have done.
1. Should Steve & Allen of eaten the steak and kept it from
Mark and said nothing
2. Should Steve & Allen of eaten the steak and then rubbed
Marks nose in it
3. Your thoughts please
I notice in your options that none of them
include Mark eating ANY steak at all!! Hyperthetically I would
imagine that Mark would
be extremely upset!!!!!!!!! To find out YEARS after that 2 so called
'best mates' could be so SHITTY to someone who seems by your Email
to be a VERY nice lad trying to do his best for a couple of cu%*s!!
I would hope someone French Shat in your pie!!!
Hi Mark I woke up this morning
for Sunday crumpet and had none. I now speak Spanish fluently, is
there a cure.
Dear Carlos, BonJovi, Adam Ant, Mercy
Buckets popshawaddywaddy etc etc...Adlib to fade
Dear Dr Fox
For many years I've had a compulsion for talking to complete strangers,
the more the merrier!
Someone suggested that I should try internet chat rooms as a cure
for my addiction, as I would most likely be overwhelmed and not
able to cope.
I've been trying the chat room on your website each Friday evening,
the endless hours of sitting and talking to the same two people
about nothing in particular, week after week are absolutely wonderful.
My problem now, is that during the rest of the week I have no one
to talk to and I am starting to hear the voices again.
P.S. I hope your piles have stopped itching.
Hearing voices in your head can be looked at in two different ways.
On one hand it can be scary, painful and lead to extreme paranoia.
However try to think of the positive benefits. Maybe there's nothing
on the TV. or there's a long cue in Asda. We all know how irritating
that can be, but hey presto! The cue just speeds away when those
'inner voices' are urging you to repeatedly and viciously stab the
bloke in front of you to death
Oooh and I think you've probably mixed my chat room up with someone
else's. We've never had as many as two people in at 1 time!!
All the best to you and those voices
P.S. My arsegrapes haven't flared up for nearly a month now. keep
your fingers crossed you twisted nutter.
Well resently I've been in a very
dark place personaly. Every morning when I wake up I find my mum
looming over me feeding me Suger by the spoon full. (not the small
spoons, the big arse spoons) Then yersterday coming back from Buger
King (the food was BK. Not OK) my Penis fell off. What should I
man in my possision do? Im sure lots of people have been trying
to cope with these commen problems. Thanks Foxy!
Don't worry to much about not having any genitals. I've met lots
of people who have no bollox! but if the thought of having no 'Percy'
upsets you to much then try getting a job in show business, in particular
the Radio industry as there are always lots of spare dicks hanging
around. Also try and think back to when your 'John Thomas' dropped
off . Did it by any chance fall onto your P.C. If so check it as
it may have switched your spellchecker off.
I'm sending you my leaflet 'how to survive without a knob'
My name is Brenda and I have Tourette syndrome which cause me to
have uncontrollable outbursts. ASSHOLE!!.. I can't go near theatres
or schools.. HAHA VULVA!.. I was wondering if u could give me any
advice of how I can be in public without having these outbursts.
Cheers, Brenda. SHIT, SHIT TRAP. FART DILDO!! BIG BIG TITTIES! SHIT!
Brenda swearing in public is not big or
clever and nobody is impressed with it. Saying things like 'arse'
and 'upyourflaps granny' is not funny and indeed probably the sign
of some warped dark side to your character,.....well done! top marks.
PS. can u send me a tape love
My boyfriend has recently returned from a fortnights holiday with
his brother in Spain. Everything seemed hunky dory until a few nights
ago whilst he was undressing I noticed small red blotches on his
skin and noticed that his manhood was ever so slightly bright blue
at the tip. He says there is nothing to worry about and the night
sweats are usual for someone so tall. I can be quite nervy I suppose
I'm just asking for reassurance. Do you think I've got anything
to worry about?
Doris, love I have checked of the symptoms
you described in my medical dictionary (Collins, any Boots £9.99.)
and according to that and my wealth of knowledge on the subject
I would suggest you dump your boyfriend as he has Dutch elm disease
and could melt in the heat. Move on and don't worry about his feelings,
I'm sure he didn't worry about yours when he was shagging foreign
I have been happily married to the same man now for near on twenty
years now and apart from the odd violent blood curdling spat, things
couldn't be better. Far more frequently, however he's wearing perfume
with he says no special place to go, but when I ask if he'll be
coming back soon he just says,.."I don't know"! Now I'm
a woman of many wishes and I do hope my premonition misses
Deidre, for god sake love, stop listening
to Stevie wonder!! Trust me it's affecting you quite badly.
My wife has been shagging the milkman, what can I do?
Try and get a few free pints!!
I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend now for 18 months
and we have had a great time and I wouldn't want to spoil it she
is a lovely girl and unlike my previous girlfriend she's fully limbed
and of sound mind. Of late, though her sister Suzy (who has a fat
arse) has been coming on to me, you know the stuff, gently pushing
up against me in enclosed spaces, racy comments and last night she
grabbed my old man through my shorts in the bathroom. What should
I do. I love my girlfriend but sue (and her fat arse) are tempting
me beyond belief!!
As a pair of grown adults you should sit down
with Suzy and explain that although you find her devilishly attractive,
the way her pert breasts bounce underneath her skimpy tops etc (not
to mention her fat arse) you are unfortunately in a relationship
with her sister and would never think of destroying the trust that
you have weaved between you both delicately over the last 18 months...
If that fails pork her stupid and change your phone number.